Transforming Pain into Peace
Therapy for Adults Ready to Heal Painful Childhoods in Oklahoma
You’ve done everything you can to outrun the past - bury it, ignore it, pretend it never happened. You may think the pain is gone because it was 5, 10, 20+ years ago.
But no matter how hard you try, it still lingers. It shows up in quiet moments, unexpected reactions, pangs of pain in the core of you, and the ever-present feeling that true peace is just out of reach.
Do You...
Avoid closeness in relationships because deep down, you fear being abandoned or hurt?
Overcommit and say yes to everything because disappointing someone feels unbearable?
Keep yourself constantly busy, afraid of what will surface in moments of stillness?
Struggle with trust, feeling on edge even in safe situations, waiting for something to go wrong?
Have trouble setting boundaries, fearing that saying no will push people away?
Second-guess yourself constantly, questioning whether your feelings are valid or if you're just overreacting?
Engage in perfectionism, believing that if you do everything flawlessly, no one will have a reason to criticize or leave you?
Find it difficult to ask for help, convinced that relying on others will only lead to disappointment?
Struggle with sleep—either plagued by nightmares and restless thoughts, or using it as an escape from emotions?
You may wonder why certain situations trigger overwhelming emotions—why a simple disagreement leaves you feeling rejected, or why a minor mistake floods you with shame. The truth is, these reactions aren’t random; they are echoes of the past, shaped by what you’ve been through.
The pain from your past is still haunting the present.
Maybe you grew up in a home where love felt conditional, where approval had to be earned, or where safety was never a given.
Perhaps you were constantly walking on eggshells, trying to avoid an unpredictable outburst from a parent.
Maybe you had to grow up too soon, taking care of yourself—or even your siblings—because the adults in your life were absent, struggling, or simply unwilling to provide the care you needed.
You might have endured harsh criticism, being told you were never good enough, or had your emotions dismissed, making you believe your feelings didn’t matter.
Maybe the people who were supposed to protect you were the very ones who hurt you, leaving behind wounds of betrayal, fear, and deep loneliness.
Or perhaps the pain was more subtle—a parent who was physically present but emotionally distant, leaving you longing for warmth and validation that never came.
Maybe you grew up in a family that was “always fine,” meaning you weren’t allowed to be anything but happy.
You were confused by the difference between your family in public or around others, and your family at home.
Maybe you never had a space where you felt truly safe to be yourself, always adapting to what others expected just to survive.
These experiences may have taught you to suppress your needs, put others first at your own expense, or keep your guard up at all times.
Are you questioning if your past was painful enough for therapy?
Many people say the same things…
It wasn’t that bad, Child Protective Services never came to my house.
I turned out fine. I’ve got a good job and a family.
No one ever physically or sexually abused me, I had a good childhood.
My parents did their best, they loved me.
I should be over it by now, it was ___ years ago
I’m just too sensitive, I need to quit being a baby.
It only affects me sometimes, but I don’t really think about it.
Pain isn’t determined by specific single events, or horribly traumatic childhoods that make the news. One person’s sprained ankle doesn’t stop being painful because the person next to them has a shattered femur.
Pain is pain, and it deserves to be healed.
Childhood Trauma
Did you just roll your eyes? Do you feel like everyone calls everything trauma these days? I agree, it’s become an overused buzzword. While there is no definitive list of what we consider traumatic, it’s more than just feeling uncomfortable, or not liking how a situation went.
Keep reading for my perspective on childhood trauma.
Childhood vs. Adult Trauma
What is traumatic for a child can be very different from what is traumatic for an adult. Adults have more developed coping skills, logical reasoning, and a greater sense of control over their lives. Children, on the other hand, are completely dependent on their caregivers for safety, stability, and emotional support. Events that may seem minor to an adult—such as being ignored, frequently criticized, or experiencing inconsistent caregiving—can be deeply traumatic to a child. Because children lack the ability to rationalize these experiences, they often internalize them as personal failures or believe they are unworthy of love and care.
Children also experience trauma differently because their brains are still developing. Prolonged exposure to stress or neglect can alter brain development, affecting their ability to regulate emotions, manage stress, and form healthy attachments. When caregivers are inconsistent, emotionally unavailable, or abusive, children may struggle to trust others, leading to difficulties in forming secure relationships later in life.
Additionally, children process trauma more emotionally than logically. While an adult may be able to understand a stressful event as situational, a child may believe it is a reflection of their worth or that they caused it to happen. Because of this, childhood trauma often has lasting effects, shaping a person's self-perception, decision-making, and relationships well into adulthood.
How Pain and Trauma Affect the Brain and Body
Painful and traumatic experiences don’t just live in your memories - they stay stored in your body and nervous system. When you experience frightening or overwhelming situations, your brain adapts for survival, often triggering long term effects such as:
Physical Hypervigilance – Constantly being on edge, scanning for danger, and finding it hard to relax.
Emotional Hypervigilance – Being overly attuned to the emotions of others, constantly trying to read moods or predict reactions to avoid conflict or rejection.
Emotional Dysregulation – Feeling overwhelmed by emotions or struggling to connect with them at all.
Chronic Anxiety or Depression – A persistent sense of fear, sadness, or hopelessness that doesn’t seem to go away.
Physical Symptoms – Unexplained aches, tension, digestive issues, or headaches linked to stress.
Difficulty Trusting Others – A deep-seated fear that people will let you down or hurt you, making it hard to form close relationships.
Dissociation – Disconnecting from reality or feeling emotionally numb as a way to cope with overwhelming experiences.
Self-Sabotaging Behaviors – Engaging in patterns that undermine happiness or success because deep down, you struggle with self-worth.
Understanding these effects helps you realize that your responses aren’t personal failings—they are natural reactions to what you’ve been through. Healing involves gently reprogramming your nervous system so you can feel safe in your own body again.
Kristen, what’s the point? We can’t undo the past.
You are right, we can’t undo the past. We can’t erase what happened. It also probably feels like unnecessary pain to bring up what you’ve done your best to forget about. Pain that is left in the dark, in the hidden crevices of our soul, slowly grows. Pain that is felt alone is heavy.
I believe in the healing power of sharing the pain, of telling your story. I believe it is vitally important to not feel alone. It is healing to not feel burdened by secrets that would horrify other people. It is healing to stop carrying the weight of experiences people would dismiss or roll their eyes at. I am often the first and only person who hears my client’s secrets. Sometimes my office is the first place they can feel their feelings without being invalidated. I often hear that my office feels like a “bubble” where a client can be themselves.
We can’t undo the past. We can’t erase the memories. But we can reduce the how strong the pain is. We can change the negative beliefs that pain has caused you to believe. We can change patterns and break cycles so your future looks different, feels different, is different. We can change how you respond to your kids. We can change how you respond to your spouse, your boss, your parents. We can change things so that future generations of your family will have no clue what it felt like to be you growing up.
You can heal so that you can be the person you truly want to be.
How Therapy Can Help
Healing is possible, and therapy provides the tools and support to help you get there. Through skilled and supportive therapy, you can:
Process and Release Trauma – Work through painful experiences in a safe, structured environment using Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) to help reprocess painful and traumatic memories.
Regulate Your Nervous System – Learn how to shift out of survival mode and into a state of calm and safety through mindfulness, breathwork, and somatic practices based on Polyvagal Theory.
Develop Healthy Boundaries – Gain the confidence to say no without guilt and prioritize your needs with assertiveness training.
Rewrite Negative Thought Patterns – Challenge and replace self-defeating beliefs with self-compassion and empowerment.
Build Meaningful Relationships – Learn how to trust again and form healthier connections with others through attachment based therapy.
Reconnect with Yourself – Move beyond past pain and rediscover who you are beyond survival.
Feeling safe in your own mind and body, no longer living in a constant state of fear or anxiety.
Building relationships based on trust, connection, and mutual respect instead of fear and self-sacrifice.
Setting healthy boundaries without guilt and recognizing that your needs matter just as much as anyone else's.
Living Beyond the Past
Healing can look like…
Experiencing moments of stillness and peace without the need to constantly distract yourself.
Trusting your own emotions and instincts, no longer questioning whether you are "too much" or "not enough."
Letting go of perfectionism and embracing the idea that you are worthy just as you are.
Being able to ask for and receive support without fear of rejection or disappointment.
Sleeping peacefully, free from nightmares and the restless thoughts that once kept you up at night.
Feeling a sense of joy and fulfillment, rather than just surviving each day.
Are you still not sure? The fact that you’ve read this much tells me something just might have clicked for you, but it’s uncomfortable to acknowledge it. I get it.
My clients would describe me as warm and caring - but most of all…honest. I will tell you the truth, even if it’s painful, if I believe its what’s in the best interest of your healing. That is what I care most about, people finding healing.
What if you took a chance on this, and allowed yourself the space to have someone hear your story? We all deserve the experience of being seen and heard by someone who cares. Maybe my office is the place for that to happen for you.